It’s Okay to Be Sad
We’re excited to have Nicole Wright guest blogging for us today! You can find her blogging here.
You’ll face struggles and moments of sadness in your marriage. And that’s okay.
My husband, Darren, stepped into my life at a time when things were just plain hard. There were friends, church, doctrine, and work things that I had been working through, for over a year. I thought they were in the process of settling themselves down. However, instead of things getting easier, circumstances have gotten harder.
I think to myself, this is my first year of marriage! I want to endure all of it perfectly. I want to jump into each day with 100% enthusiasm. I do not want to let the dark circumstances bleed into the beautiful new chapter of my life. Guilty thoughts tell me I am ruining Darren’s first year of marriage, which makes me very sad, and occasionally, I decide that he must think I’m a pathetic wife.
At first, I was really hard on myself. I tried my best to get through everything with grace and hope and a smile, but my best didn’t come close to perfection. I actually believed I was pathetic. I thought I must have not been trying hard enough. I though there must have been something I could do that I’d missed—something that would make it all better.
I am learning that God hasn’t made any of us perfect yet, so perfection is not His goal for us.
His goal is that we would have faith in Him while He walks us through the hard stuff. We get to rest in Christ’s righteousness because our best will never be good enough. We get to learn to be okay with life—and marriage—being hard.
I let myself be a hermit at times, trusting that I won’t always feel this way. I allow myself to watch lots of T.V. shows, read kid books, and sometimes just sit and do nothing because that is all I have energy for. I let myself grieve over friends who’ve moved away and over the very slow process that it is to make new friends, trusting that God has closed that chapter and will open a new one. I allow myself to feel weird at a new church with totally new ways of doing things, trusting that God will, in time, heal me of and help me adjust. I’m slowly accepting my allergies and try not to break into tears in the aisle at Haggen’s, as much these days, trusting that there will be a big bowl of my favorite ice cream in heaven.
But mostly, I cling to the fact that God IS really going get me through all of it. That one day it will get better. I have immersed myself in the book of Isaiah and love to read about God’s power and compassion. I’m learning to hobble slowly through these days with hope, even when I know tomorrow might not be much better than today.
“But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator… ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I have given Egypt as your ransom…since you are precious in My sight, since you are honored and I love you.'” —Isaiah 43:1-4
A moment to brag on my boy: Darren. He has been precious in all of this. He has never made me feel guilty, but is totally understanding and encouraging. He allows me to sit and simply read while he does yard work. He will see the steam rising from my ears while I wash dishes (because dirty dishes are the final straw), and will encourage me to sit and drink tea and chill. He will remind me that healing takes time, that a clean house is not the most important part of life. And he even lets me sit next to him in church when I look about as cheerful as someone enjoying a root canal. 😉
Even when times get rough, remember that God will get you through it. Try to see the best in your marriage and in your husband.
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