Seriously, Just Listen to Your Spouse
If there are any husbands out there reading this, can I just tell you that sometimes your wife just wants to feel validated in her feelings? You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to agree. You simply have to empathize. I realize that empathy might come easier for women, but that fact just makes it all the more frustrating for wives when our husbands struggle in this area. There are times, we just need a kind ear and some understanding.
I have started a new hobby that feels a little foreign to me—we got a horse. I know very little about horses, so it has been challenging trying to figure it all out. I’ve made mistakes and bad decisions. I didn’t even know how to put a halter on, and chose to buy a “green” horse for my daughter who is also “green,” because we fell in love with the horse. I feel inadequate about making decisions regarding training, and have been handing out money left and right. One evening, it all hit me on the way home from the barn. I walked through the kitchen, wearing an itchy sweater, (which makes everything more overwhelming) covered in hay—bawling. I walked up to my husband with tears shooting from my eyes, and said, “I feel like such an idiot for attempting this horse world. I’m making a total fool of myself, and horse people are just really . . . complex.”
Sometimes there is no solution, plain and simple
There were two ways he could have handled the situation. He could have given me the old, “I told you so,” and shook his head at me. Or, he could have shown compassion without including a fix-it discussion. He chose the second option, thankfully. At that moment, I didn’t really want solutions. I just needed to know he was there to understand. He didn’t tell me to get rid of the horse, he didn’t agree that I was ignorant, and he didn’t suggest I go buy a book. He said, “I’m sorry you are sad.”
When I heard those words leave his lips, it was like the sky opened up and I could hear a symphony playing beautiful music! He was sorry I was sad! It jarred me a little, and I surprised that I instantly felt a little bit better. Such a simple response, but so comforting to hear. I know a few years back he might have tried to problem solve for me. Well, sometimes there isn’t a clear solution, and we just have to walk though the process to find our way. But knowing he acknowledged that it kind of sucked at the moment, really helped. He didn’t even laugh at my dirty face, or the hay sticking out of my hair, he just showed some empathy. Husbands, at times it’s really just that easy—kind of like this video below:
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