Don’t Compare Your Marriage
Social media is a two-edged sword
It provides ways to connect to others, and is a great way to share information. It also can be a harsh voice that shouts out comparisons and negative messages that make you feel as if you are missing out. We have all fallen into the trap of comparing our spouses to those we see in Facebook Land. It has become a serious problem for some people, and has even triggered depression and feelings of hopelessness in women. Have you been there?
Your computer screen reveals seemingly perfect husbands
Your eyes widen, your mouth drops, your heart sinks. You find yourself in the middle of a pity party, wondering how you ended up so unlucky. You look across the room to your husband and shoot a few daggers from your eyes into the back of his head, as he sits there on his laptop, completely unaware that he is being compared against a total stranger. He’s not baking with the kids, he’s not reading family devotions by the fire. He is eating a bowl of ice cream and checking the football stats of a fantasy team that doesn’t even really exist.
Bitterness sets in, and resentment builds up
Your know your friend’s husband was helping her weed the garden earlier because you saw the pictures of them smiling, with cute, dirty faces on Instagram. Your brother-in-law just booked a trip to Mexico for your little sister and surprised her for her birthday. Why is everyone around you so in love and adorable, while the only thing close to your heart is your husband’s dirty laundry that is pressed to your chest as you trudge to the washer?
As tempting as it is to fall into this trap, I want to share something with you. The images that flash across the screen are just tiny slices of real lives. People are great at hiding behind their masks, but when you peel back the lid and see the little monsters that hide inside of everyone, you quickly become thankful for what God gave you. A person who is sappy sweet to their wife, might be grouchy to their kids. Or the guy that washes his wife’s vehicle every single Saturday might not be that great of a listener. The guy that always helps everyone out might not be helpful around his own house. Everyone has really great things about them, and they also have the not so great parts.
Be prayerful and thankful
If you find yourself struggling with envy, you might need to ask God to help you with this. Sometimes, your friends are posting things that are pretty great. And some of those husbands are being incredible. It’s good to rejoice with others, and feel genuinely glad for the good moments they are experiencing. It’s hard to do when you feel alone, or sad, and Facebook world looks like it moves from one party to the next. But really, we should share in the joy of others, and then stand with them when they are in pain. That is what friendship looks like.
My husband might not spout sonnets to me, but he has great qualities
I wouldn’t trade him for the world, because I have learned to appreciate his strong points. In fact, most of his weak points aren’t really weak at all. They are just a work in progress and steadily moving towards strong points.
For example, he is sort of a clean freak. One time we were having a very serious conversation. He was staring up at the ceiling, eyes squinting in deep thought. I was so touched that he was listening to me and was so present and in the moment with me. Suddenly he pointed to the light fixture on the ceiling. There was a fly in the shade, he told me. He stood up on the bed, removed the shade, shook it out in the trash, washed it, and replaced it. He then looked at me and said, “Now what were you saying?”
Over time, I have come to accept and appreciate who he is. His favorite pastime is shutting all of my drawers that I leave open after retrieving my clothes. Before, I would have been offended. Now I simply say, “Thanks, and knock yourself out!” He didn’t change, my perspective changed.
Let me recap:
1. People are not as perfect as they seem, because who is really perfect?
2. Being grateful for your spouse can change how you view them.
3. Embrace your spouse and his quirks, as you patiently let God walk him where he needs to go.
4. Be happy for your friends and cheer them on, because that is a loving thing to do.
5. Shift your perspective, and be amazed be the new view.
Every marriage has its ups and downs. Don’t let comparisons steal your joy!
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