I’m Not Qualified to Be a Marriage Blogger
I would like to fill you in on a little secret.
I am in no way qualified to write on this blog. Sometimes, I feel like I am in no way qualified to be married! I am sure if you are at all close to me, you have wondered why I have a marriage blog in the first place. I mean, we certainly don’t have it all figured out. In fact, I think we might make it look much harder than it actually is and if you do the exact opposite of we do, you just might succeed. There ya have it.
There are moments when I am not in the mood to jump up and down and cheer about being a wife. At times, I want to tell all the single people to just stay that way.
I don’t blog because I have a perfect marriage.
In fact, there are times when I think marriage has to be the meanest joke on the planet. It’s especially hard when two people get married and have big personalities, big ideas, and big mouths. I know some folks who are both quiet by nature, and just get along. Their lives are pretty calm and predictable. I know they have their problems, but dodging salt and pepper shakers in the middle of an argument might not be one of them. We have great moments too, but usually I am worried we are wasting our lives away looking at our iPhones instead of cultivating a solid friendship.
So if you become my friend, and I one day confide in you that my marriage is awry, don’t be shocked. And if you ask me how it is that I host a marriage blog when clearly we are struggling, I will tell you it’s because I believe in community and being real. If I tell you that I feel lonely and disconnected from my husband, don’t wonder why I try to give advice to others, because I write to myself just as much as I write to you! I need to be reminded of what God says about marriage, and I want to be a part of a group of people who believe that He is bigger than the problems that show up after the honeymoon. Although, we did manage to fight then too.
I don’t have the corner market on marital bliss.
I just like to have this conversation in order to keep a good perspective in the midst of my own chaos. It’s good to talk to yourself about the Gospel. Preach to yourself about what is true. Your heart will try to dissuade you, so you have to keep telling yourself to lean into the storm, and ask God for help in those moments when you feel defeated and abandoned. And remember that you are not abnormal.
There are a lot of factors that contribute to stress in a marriage. I know it is complex, and it’s not just one exact thing that triggers friction. I am sure we bring a lot of stress on ourselves. We tend to do most things on a grand scale. We fight big. We love big. My kids have unique hobbies, such as playing bagpipes, dancing over swords, and learning dressage. We have huge parties. It’s normal for us to have fifty people at our backyard BBQ’s. We love festivities and we buy miniature horses and kangaroos just for the fun of it.
I am not saying we make the best decisions. In fact, sometimes we are a little over the top. Sometimes this catches up with us, and we get really tired and it affects our relationship because people can only take so much “fun” before they get grouchy. We are trying to put the brakes on and find balance. We possibly stay busy so we can avoid working on the things that need to be addressed, but that is a whole different blog post and it’s something we will be working on.
The Twilight Zone is real.
We have real problems, petty problems and everything in between. My Dad likes to joke that our house feels like the Twilight Zone, and while it used to hurt my feelings, he is actually right! There is often some crazy thing happening. Things that don’t happen to others. I don’t know why that is, but I like to tell myself it’s because we interact with people, and with that we get lots of different situations.
People aren’t tidy and predictable. They are fragile, and often broken. But my Dad is on to something when he says that crazy follows us. And sometimes we just have to laugh it off.
For instance, we had a pony themed birthday party for our daughter last week. I took a little time to ride my horse too. When I was done, I was swinging my leg over the saddle, and without my knowing it, the front middle section of my bra hooked onto the saddle horn.
When both of my feet came our of the stirrups, I was twisted against my horse with no way of getting myself loose. If he had spooked, I would have been drug to my death. By my bra. (Now that would be an embarrassing funeral.) There were two kids next to me riding our smaller horse. They were just staring me me dangling there, with wide eyes. The little boy asked in a very steady and quiet voice, “Are you stuck by your underwear?” I twisted myself around so I could almost look him in the eye and told him to never breathe a word about what he was witnessing. He just nodded, his little hands gripping his reins.
Luckily, my friend was there and she wedged herself in between myself and my horse and removed the whole saddle in order to get me free. Had she not been there, I don’t know how this story would have ended.
You aren’t the only one second guessing yourself.
Why share all of this? Because I want you to know who I am. I kind of a spacey, fly-by-the-seat of my pants gal who struggles with biting her tongue, and most of the time feels like she is not as good as she should be. But I share with you because I think it’s amazing that we are all working so hard at marriage, and parenting, and life. I want to walk this road with others, and shout out some encouragement however I can.
It’s hard to write on a marriage blog when I am feeling like a failure, but that’s kind of the whole point. Trust me, it feels impossible at times to write anything when I feel anxious or have no words of wisdom to offer because I am too busy feeling sorry for myself. But I do it anyway. Because I’d like you to know you aren’t alone. Because if you truly know that, maybe you won’t quit.
And I know without a doubt, I share with you because God gives me the strength and the desire to do so. There is no good in me, other than Christ. The good news is that if I can finish well, anyone can.
I want to encourage you. I want to remind myself of what is true. I believe in community. I want you to know you aren’t the only one stumbling along at marriage.
