Logic vs. Emotion: Use Your Gifts to Protect Each Other
Sometimes my spouse and I see things from completely different angles. So much so at times, it feels like we are each speaking a different language. The more we try to force each other to change perspectives, the more frustrated we sometimes become.
Misunderstandings happen
Our daughter recently had a scavenger hunt for her thirteenth birthday party. We invited around ten of her friends and met downtown so they could hunt for the items on the list around the general public. The items on the list were crazy and a bit difficult to locate, which meant the girls would have to be somewhat courageous.
While all of the guests knew our daughter well, they didn’t all know each other. Beforehand, Autumn and I decided to match the girls up in a way that would include one outgoing, brave girl with a couple of shyer girls in each group. Instead, when we got there, my husband lined them all up and had them count off by numbers randomly into two teams. I watched the craziest dynamic unfold. One one side were all of the loud, crazy girls, and on the other side were quiet, meek girls.
I could see where this was going, and tried to explain it to my husband. I even noticed one girl was near tears. My spouse couldn’t see my point of view. After all, it was done fair and square in a random way. Besides, he explained, it was just one day out of their lives. I suggested we go with the lists I had already thoughtfully written out, but there was no way he was going for that. He was looking at it with logic, and I was looking at it with emotion. And we had two groups of girls watching us quietly argue about it. And that made things even more awkward. Finally, I just gave in, realizing everyone would find a way to manage. It wasn’t optimal, but that is life. One group of girls ran of whooping and hollering, and one group of girls walked away single file. They all had fun by the end of the night, but it left me thinking about how different Scott and I can view things.
Take time to really listen to each other
Now, that is just one tiny slice of life. Take bigger situations, like family dynamics, finances, or parenting. When one person sees things more logically and one person is more emotional, it can get downright tricky. It can cause fights and hard feelings. The fact is, we need both logic and emotion when interacting with those around us. We have to look at facts, but also be sensitive. Can we change the lens in which we view life? How do we better understand one another without friction?
I think it’s important to take time to hear each other. Really listen to what your spouse has to say. If both spouses do this, there will be a nice balance that takes place. God knew perfectly well that I needed a more logical mate to even out my emotional way of making decisions. God also knew that my perception of people’s feelings would be helpful for Scott in many social situations.
Instead of working against each other, use the different gifts God gave you as a way of protecting each other. There are times when you will not agree, but look at the big picture and know it will all come out in the wash. Resist digging your heels in just to be right, and respect that your spouse might have insight that could help. It could even be a great solution to the problem at hand. If you still totally disagree, then either drop it for the sake of peace, or discuss it kindly at a later time. You both have unique and valuable perspectives, but engaging in a tug of war will just tire you out, and create more problems than solutions.
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