Mark Driscoll and My Marriage
If you’re a Christian and have been on Facebook for more than three seconds over the past few days, you’ve read about Mark Driscoll. He is facing a mountain of accusations. I cannot imagine what he is feeling. True or not, this mob mentality is damaging and wrong.
“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” —Mark 11:25
There are people ready to string him up. Some express hatred. Some are literally giddy because he is suffering. There are those who have declared they will withhold forgiveness from this man until they feel he has properly repented. Did I read that correctly? Do we know the words spoken between this man and the Lord? Are we able to tell if he has made proper amends? And who am I, a fellow sinner, to withhold forgiveness?
Imagine if your mistakes were plastered everywhere
People are collecting virtual scraps of information and forming a case against him. He bullies. He’s harsh when he speaks. He has been immature. He used the wrong funds to support his book sales. He feels women should be submissive. He’s a chauvinist. He talks about sex too openly. (Apparently sexual discussions should be excluded from Christian circles. As if pornography hasn’t saturated our homes and lives with one click of a button.) He used a fake name in a forum over a decade ago and used harsh terms. He’s controlling. He’s arrogant. He’s proud.
Ummm . . . I think I’m guilty of half of those things just in the last week. My life is not public, my flaws are not under a microscope, and my sins are not blared through the megaphone of the internet. If they were, I wonder if I could hold up under such hateful backlash. On a much smaller scale, I have experienced the sting of rejection from friends who couldn’t give me grace. It’s an awful feeling to be scrutinized and abandoned. I cannot fathom the weight Pastor Mark must feel.
“But he is called to a higher standard,” people say. I know this is true, but he still needs rooms to walk in grace, like any other son or daughter of Adam. If his sins and his failures disqualify him as a pastor, then I should also be disqualified as a wife, mother, sister, and friend. Because I have not met the standard either.
The highest standard is Christ, who knew no sin. Anyone else below this, will stumble and hit the ground in messy, ugly, pathetic ways.
How does Mark’s situation affect my marriage?
I know that in light of the sin and hurt we have inflicted on each other, we would be a ravaged mess had we not given each other grace and forgiveness. You might hate Mark’s guts and think he is a total jerk, but I have felt that way towards my husband. We couldn’t stand each other at times. But we pushed those emotions aside and we stood on Scripture, and there God announces we have all fallen short. We have all inflicted damage. We have to keep this in mind when we want to sling mud at our spouse for failing. Grace is the only way through.
We must keep believing the best in each other. It does no good to cut off the branch you are sitting on. A marriage is union, so when you hurt your spouse, you hurt yourself.
Being vindicated feels great, but if you lose your dearest friend in the process, it’s not worth it. If you’ve been wronged or betrayed, rest in knowing that Jesus understands that level of pain. The devastation you feel matters, but retaliation will make matters worse. When you want to lash out, tell yourself to be kind because you were shown kindness.
We all have fangs
I’ve seen nothing in Mark that I have not seen in myself, or my husband, or those around me. We all hide dark places in our hearts. When sin is exposed, the redemption that follows brings glory to God. Instead of crowding around, gleefully pointing our fingers, let us forgive. Rather than shrinking away, let it cause us to look at our own sin and ask for forgiveness. Don’t rejoice in the demise of your dear brothers and sisters. Put down the stones.
Empathy goes far during the forgiveness process. Forgiveness isn’t easy. It hurts like crazy at times and leaves people wondering how they will ever see their way through. Thankfully, we serve a God who knows how painful forgiveness is. Look at the cross! He loves us despite our hateful words, dumb actions, and bad intentions. He rescues the weary, He doesn’t kick them when they are down.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. —Ephesians 4:32
This has been a loud reminder.
I cringe as I recall my own actions against the stark contrast of God’s grace. It makes me love him more. I want to extend this kind of love towards my husband. When I think back to times when he was selfish and hurt my feelings deeply, I’m tempted to get angry and bitter. The sting of my husband’s disregard has caused me to justify my own selfish reactions. We wasted time repaying wrong when it wasn’t our job to do so.
We love rejoicing in wrongdoing
We have mastered the cold shoulder. We have refused to forgive each other many times. All it did was hurt us more and prolong the healing process. It made the road to reconciliation longer than it had to be. The most precious times in our marriage came on the heels of forgiveness.
We have to cut each other slack. We are both in the same battle, and both wearing the same weak shell that is called our flesh. Good and bad, painful and beautiful, failures and successes, we are in it together.
“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” —1 Corinthians 13:4-7
So disassemble the bashing bandwagon and remind yourself that failure in someone’s life isn’t supposed to be shocking. Don’t promulgate the sin of others. Look in the mirror. Go the the Cross. Gaze up at our perfect Lord who was crucified for our sin. Share truth with others but wrap it in love. And pray.
