Supporting Your Spouse When You Feel Weak
I walked into my bedroom today and sat down in a daze. So much had taken place and I didn’t know how to steady myself now that the frantic moments were over. It was quiet. The quietness didn’t match the business in my mind, as I replayed the past week and all of the chaos that took place. I felt anxious as I sat there alone.
Life is both beautiful and difficult
I feel vulnerable and a little nervous that such bad things can happen in life. How can life be so beautiful, and also so difficult? I don’t want to live my life waiting for the sky to fall at any moment, but it sure fell a few days ago—after I was told my daughter was in the emergency room and had just been told she had a brain tumor.
Things instantly flew into a fevered pitch after finding this out. I felt like I was in a bad dream as I went through the next few days, awaiting her surgery and trying to get back home. Tayler was frightened for many obvious reasons, and also for some not-so-obvious reasons. She handled it better than I ever could have and I watched in awe as she continued to put her faith in God throughout the whole process. The love and support from our friends and family were what kept us going.
Giving yourself even when you feel weary
There is one moment I would like to tell you about—Tayler was laying in the bed, just minutes before being taken away. Her face crumpled and she pressed her quivering hands over her eyes, sobbing. I held her hand, but looked straight across her into the eyes of her dad. He was staring at me intently. I knew what he was thinking. I could almost hear him saying, “Don’t let one tear fall, Michelle. Because if that happens, our daughter will become more afraid.” I could feel the bottoms of my eyes becoming misty, but I did my best to hold it in. I knew Scott was trying to be strong for her, and I knew I had to do the same. If we cracked, she would too.
There we were, two people who had a baby. This baby became a little girl, a teenager, and was now a lovely young woman. Scott is the only other person walking on this earth who loves Tayler the way I do. Because of this, he knew what I was feeling. We sat on either side of her that morning, pouring our love into her as best we could in the face of our own fears.
After she was wheeled away from us, my knees collapsed under the weight of helplessness, and he was there with his arm around me. I felt so close to him that day, as we lifted our girl up in prayer. He was so strong for us all. He carried his family through that ordeal with a resolve that only God can give. He became even more precious to me as I saw him bending over our daughter in prayer.
Learning to be strong for each other
He had to be strong for all of us that day. He had to keep his other kids calm, and hugged me about a hundred times. I was pretty much useless until I knew she was safe and sound. After Tayler was in recovery and he was able to spend time with her, he took all of our kids home, and I was able to be with Tayler for a week straight. It meant a lot to me that he held down the fort so I could have total freedom to focus on Tayler’s recovery. When she ended up back in the ER, he came and waited with us. He even had to come over one night at 4 a.m. with our three-year-old slung over his shoulder. Did he complain? No, he brought a cot for Tayler’s sister to sleep on at the foot of her sister’s bed. That folks, is romance at it’s best.
Marriage isn’t about what you can get out of the relationship. It isn’t about how great that person is supposed to make you feel. It’s about serving and giving of yourself even when you don’t feel you have much left to give. It is about honoring a promise when things get tough. It is about caring for what God entrusted you with. I saw that kind of love in Scott that day as he tenderly cared for our daughter, and I love him all the more for being so strong in such a trying time.
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