A Letter to Husbands: On Serving Your Wife

Letters to Husbands / Marriage Michelle Lindsey October 19, 2013

Dear husbands,

Can I fill you in on a little secret? I think one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to serve your wife; especially when she is more tired than usual. Your wife is probably pretty good at juggling a million things at once, but when she gets overwhelmed, you can step in and offer her a little rest. Be intentional about protecting her well-being and you will reap great rewards. It is a win win situation like no other.

It’s easy to get focused on work, parenting, and various forms of entertainment, and forget about your wife’s needs. Does she look frazzled or even frantic at times? Is she less patient or snapping at you for small things? It could be she needs your help. Serving your wife shows tremendous strength on your part. God, the One who created the entire Universe, came down to earth and served us in lowly human form. You are reflecting that love when you shoulder burdens for your wife. It’s not demeaning or beneath you, it’s bringing God glory and creating a closer bond with your spouse.

There might even be times she doesn’t even know she needs your assistance. Women are great at plodding along, with their heads down, one step in from of the other until they hit a brick wall of exhaustion. You know her better than anyone knows her (at least you should), so stay on your toes and keep her on your radar. If she runs herself ragged nonstop, how will she have anything left to offer anyone else?  If she seems cold and uninterested towards you, it could be sheer weariness. Lend a hand, or steer her to a hot bubble bath, at the very least.

I think women are more burned out than ever. They have so many unrealistic expectations put on them. They feel pressure  to do everything for everybody, and that they should look adorable all the while. It’s a lot of pressure keeping a clean house, driving kids everywhere, working, possibly even homeschooling, cooking healthy meals, working out, and focusing on having a great marriage. At some point, she will crack from the burden if she is not properly supported. Hug her and tell her she is enough. Remind her that she is loved and accepted and tell her to exhale. Then go brush some little teeth.

I am not suggesting you should don an apron with a baby on your hip, or show up at your wife’s job with a homemade, organic lunch. (Although that would be awesome.) I am just asking you to step back and ask yourself what you can offer, given the unique talents and strengths God gave you. Are you happy to clean up after dinner? Can you help kids with math homework? Can you take over the bedtime routine? Do you know what I keep seeing on Facebook? I am serious, I have seen it like a hundred times this month. Status updates from women that say this: “I don’t need flowers or jewelry. My husband filled my gas tank for me and that makes me feel so loved.” Women are wired to nurture and give of themselves, but a random act of kindness from the man she loves speaks volumes to her.

God calls husbands to oversee their homes and this includes protecting their wives from emotional and physical burnout. Help her help you! Shower her with the type of love that will spill over to you, your children, and others in your lives. And if you would like to share some of your ideas with us, feel free! Spark a helping-husband-happy-wife revolution.

With love,

“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” —Galatians 5:13

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