A Letter to Husbands: Protect What You Love

Letters to Husbands Michelle Lindsey November 11, 2014

Dear husbands,

This is a tiny reminder to check in on your wife’s well being. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically. She might be really tired out, but not communicating with you about it very well. It’s quite possible she doesn’t even fully recognize it herself. Women tend to absorb the stress of their family members, and if not careful, they can burn out fast. Your wife might be so capable that even you find expect her to handle everything with ease. But she can’t keep up that kind of pace. She needs you to have her back. Don’t let her take on the world, because the world isn’t always very kind. Be the buffer.

Don’t let her work her fingers to the bones trying to be everything to everybody. This makes for a very miserable wife, and when the stress starts spilling over, everyone feels her pain.

When people are under a lot of pressure they are less kind to others. When they feel like they can’t catch their breath, the will snap at those closest to them. If you aren’t considering your wife’s needs, don’t be shocked when she isn’t acting loving towards you. There is an old saying that expresses this perfectly: hurting dogs bite. If your wife is being negative and short tempered, she might be barely holding it all together.

I have a great picture hanging up in my kitchen of a dashing rooster and his lovely hen. The rooster is standing watch next to his mate looking very serious. Nothing is going to happen to his chicken-wife on his watch. He is on the wall. Above them are the words, “Protect what you love.”

Plain and simple. Guard the gift God gave you.

Make sure she is getting the rest she needs. Give her downtime so she can breathe and reflect. Carve out time for her to spend time with the Lord. Maybe her days are so chaotic and demanding, she can’t even hear her own thoughts anymore. Give that poor woman a break and baby her a little. If she can’t seem to cope, make the way a little easier for her. If she is screaming at you, try looking at the big picture. Maybe she is so very tired and feeling isolated. Everything is easier as a team. Are you being a teammate? Can she lean on you when she needs help? If so, BRAVO. If not, don’t complain that your marriage sucks.

Talk with her about her schedule and see if there is anything she can whittle away. Women are really good at filling every nook and cranny with things to do. They are super heroes at multi-tasking, but eventually crash and burn. Take off her cute little cape, fold it up, and lock it away in a drawer. Tell her to slow down because you care about her and want her to enjoy some peace. She is not to save the day. She is to take a nap.

While you are not her Savior, and shouldn’t carry that burden around, you are there to protect her. She has one knight in shining armor with skin on in this world. You. There isn’t another person that can make a greater impact in her life.  Don’t let a great opportunity slip by. When you love your wife well, and make sure she is holding up, she will deeply appreciate you. By putting her first, you will build trust and intimacy between you. You will spark in her feelings of joy and gratefulness. Deep down, we all want someone to love us and protect us. We want to know we matter. And we want our efforts to be appreciated. This gives us inspiration to keep going. Inspire her!

Look your wife in the eyes. Make sure there is a sparkle. Check in with her and ask her how she is doing. Pray for her. Walk beside her. Be her friend. Because this might be just the thing she is needing. If her face looks grouchy, maybe it’s because she is ready to flip out from all work and no play. We all need fun every now and then. Including your wife. She wasn’t put on this earth to simply slave away. In fact, she was once a girl. She is all grown up, but in that heart of hers are the same hopes and dreams. I am sure she has set aside many things for her family. This is precious and reflects God’s sacrificial love, but she needs space to slow down and hear God’s voice. She was created for His glory, not yours.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but it’s very important that you address your wife’s needs, so she can better care for yours. It’s amazing how that works out. It’s brilliant.

Pray and protect. Watch and listen. In that order.

In Christ,