A Letter to Seasoned Wives

This and That Tayler Beede February 25, 2013

Dear seasoned wives,

When that young, googley-eyed, head-over-heels in love, newly-engaged girl runs up to you and exclaims the news of her upcoming wedding, please resist the urge to shoot her down.

Sure, she probably doesn’t fully understand that the first year of marriage will be far from bliss. She doesn’t know what it feels like to be so utterly frustrated with her husband that she could rip his head off. She hasn’t experienced the struggles of learning to live life with someone so different from her. And she doesn’t know that marriage alone will be one of the most challenging struggles she’ll face.

She hasn’t thought of the fact that her and her fiancé will most likely have arguments on their honeymoon, and that her husband will fail her. She doesn’t really know what marriage consists of at all.

All she can think about is marital bliss. She’s envisioned her wedding day a thousand different ways. She sees her fiancé as the most wonderful man in the world. She thanks God for him every day.

And you know what? That’s perfectly okay. Let her be happy. Let her bask in the wonderful grace of God. Let her praise him for bringing her and her husband together.

Often times, she’ll receive nothing more than “good luck” and a sarcastic chuckle. That’s the last thing she needs. Because each time, it beats her down a little more and a little more.

Sure, she doesn’t need to go into her marriage completely clueless. But she doesn’t need to fight through her engagement period feeling completely beaten down and terrified.

What she needs from you is encouragement and practical advice. She needs godly guidance. Don’t tell her that her first year of marriage will be hell, tell her it’s okay to fight and it’s okay to say sorry. Tell her that arguments are completely normal. Let her know that no matter how tough her marriage might get, God is at work.

Explain that every wife has days of failure, and that’s when God’s incredible grace and forgiveness comes into play. Let her know that it’s okay to fail, and that those moments of failure will lead to an even stronger marriage. Be sure to tell her that marriage is the greatest reflection of God’s love for us, and that it’s a blessing. Make sure she knows that she is incredibly blessed.

Pray for her. Love on her. Guide her. That’s what she needs.

With love,
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