Don’t Allow Statistics to Define Your Marriage {Testimony Tuesday}

Today’s guest post is from Olivia Wesley:

Hello—My name is Olivia! I’m a wife to an amazing husband, a new mommy to a sweet boy–and woman whose life is evidence of how strongly God’s heart beats for His people. God continues to save my husband and I from worldly statistics, and my desire is to share my story as its being written, in hopes of inspiring others to answer God’s call of unwavering love & Holiness. You can find me blogging at Beauty Unveiled.

“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” —Philippians 4:8&9 (MSG version)

In church not too long ago, we talked joy and gratitude. We were asked to think about what God has done for us up to this point in our lives—then come up and share. My husband and son seemed like obvious candidates for gratitude. But it seemed all too generic and used up. I needed to go deeper. What had God REALLY done for me? So I thought about His grace and how it’s been abounding in our lives and in our marriage.

Hormonal sobs on the bathroom floor

At age 19, an unplanned pregnancy shook our lives to the core and broke down every wall I was hiding behind. And when we got married, life for me changed drastically. After the honeymoon ended, I hung the wedding dress in the closet, exchanging it for all the life-long lessons marriage gives. When I was single, I dreamed about marriage and joy and thought that one equaled the other. But it didn’t add up that way.  We were both trying to find our place in this new life and at the same time, preparing for a baby. We were breaking old habits and trying to pick up new ones. And failing many times over.  So I found myself complaining, often in quiet, hormonal sobs on the bathroom floor. I compared our short-lived marriage to those who had already done the hard, grueling, work—expecting us to be in the same place already, without any of the work.

Instead I was here—lying next to a man I couldn’t fix. A man who couldn’t fix me. And it’s when I came to that realization, that I asked God to change my heart. To help me turn my complaints into praises and allow me to see my husband, our life, our journey, through His lenses. So that morning in church, as I thought about what I was grateful for, I opened my journal and allowed God to show me.

Reveling in grace

Statistically, my husband shouldn’t have stuck by me through my pregnancy because it doesn’t make sense. A man, who never knew his father, shouldn’t know how to be one. And statistically it doesn’t make sense, that a man who had never seen a relationship or marriage exemplified the way God intended, should humble himself enough to allow God to teach him. Statistically, we were the perfect candidates for another statistic. But I didn’t allow statistics to define my marriage.

With tears, I sat in church that morning, reveling at what God had done—saving us from becoming a reoccurring theme of tumultuous homes, fatherless children, worlds of pain.

And that was a cause for joy, right? Thinking of all it could have been, because of our sin, but what it wasn’t—because of His grace. And though we’re only just beginning to come into the people God purposed for us to be, I find absolute joy in the truth that we are far more than statistics said we’d be.

An invitation to celebrate

In this moment, I stand at gratitude’s doorstep, and invite you in. There’s a fabulous party inside and we’re celebrating your marriage and mine & every God breathed union, with joy, hope, & expectancy. Despite the inevitable struggles, every place God has redeemed you from, every part of your husband and your marriage that is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable, is God’s testament of His unconditional, unfailing love for you. For me.

So give thanks and celebrate—because he’s faithful at divinely tying loose ends together for those who respond to His call of obedience.

And that’s a cause for joy.

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