Keeping A Poison-Free Marriage {Testimony Tuesday}

We’re excited to have Angela Deni guest blogging today:

My church memorized Ephesians 4:29 last month, and as I worked to impress the words on my heart and mind, the Lord repeatedly showed me how crucial this verse is in my marriage (and, really, all of my relationships).

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths…”

No marriage needs poison

When I’m grumpy or frustrated, my feelings are most visible in the words that fly out of my mouth, almost as if they had wings of their own. The most likely landing pad? The one closest to me: my husband. James 3:8 reminds us that the tongue “is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” No marriage needs poison, and that’s what harsh words are—ugly expressions reeking with the foul stench of anger and bitterness that choke love, compassion, mercy, and kindness.

“…but only what’s helpful for building others up according to their needs…”

Isn’t this is what I’m called to do as a wife? To support, respect, and honor my husband, building him up and edifying him? Harsh words erode respect and tear down my husband. (Remember that verse in Proverbs about how it’s better to dwell on the corner of a roof than with a quarrelsome wife?) As his wife, I should be listening to my husband and trying to understand and support his needs—I should be a builder, not a demolition crew.

“…that it may benefit those who listen.”

Giving grace, even when it’s tough

Other versions translate this section as “so it may give grace to those who hear.” Who better to benefit, to receive grace, than my husband? I’m most likely to speak harsh words when I’m hurt or angry—but doesn’t my husband deserve grace at that time? Christ has bestowed me with more grace than I can ever show anyone, so surely I can show a tiny portion of that grace to my husband, especially if I’m frustrated about something so small in the grand scheme of things (like he doesn’t want to eat what I had planned for dinner).

So what does this look like practically? How do I keep the poison from leaking out? Two words: Holy Spirit. The Lord promises that His power is made perfect in my weakness; His grace is sufficient for me (2 Corinthians 12:9). So I pray. Pray in the heat of moment and pray when things are going well. Ask the Lord to fill my heart with compassion and my mouth with words of grace. He is faithful.

One last clarification, lest I be misunderstood: I’m not talking about stuffing feelings and using this as an excuse not to address issues. That, too, is a deadly poison. The tough stuff can and should be discussed, but I can pray for the strength to keep a rein on my tongue while I do so. This helps me in bridling the destructive words and seeking to build up my husband with words of compassion, kindness, mercy, and grace.

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About Angela Deni:

I’m a small-town Midwestern girl at heart, although I currently live in a Washington, D.C. suburb with my husband, Nick. I love the Lord, my husband and family, cheesecake, and a good novel. I spend my days editing and my nights cooking, reading, and blogging at  Unspeakable Joy.

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