My Struggles are Beautiful

Marriage / Young Marriage Tayler Beede February 18, 2013

I’m a worrier. Anyone who knows me well could tell you that.

When I was young I refused to spend the night at friends’ houses. I wanted to stay home because I was in constant fear that something would happen to my family while I was away. In school I’d spend countless hours lying in bed worrying about how I was going to get all of my work done. And now, I’ve got work, school, finances, etc., etc., etc. I could make myself sick worrying if I wanted to.

And of course, I married Mr. Chill. His arm could be severed off and lying on the ground, and he would calmly ask me to drive him to the hospital, but only if I wanted to. Sometimes he doesn’t quite understand how such small things can fire up such anxiety in my heart. Of course, this can cause some tension, but I’ve also been learning a great deal from him.

It feels too good to be true…that I can truly trust God with my tomorrows.

It feels so much better to trust Him than to freak out and lose sleep over such minuscule details of my life. He’s got it all under control. Even the events that seem like the end of life as I know it—they’re all going to be worked for the good of His plan.

I could try to doubt God’s plan, but looking back on my life, those times of trial and struggle are the most beautiful. He has brought so much more out of those times than I’ve brought out of the easy days in which I had no reason to worry.

I have to remember that on those days when I’m not sure how much more I can take. When all I want to do is crawl into bed and cry. When I begin to think that I’m the one in control. Those are the times when I must constantly remind myself that God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

Here’s to trusting the God who gave me the very breath within my lungs.

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