Last week Scott was buried in schoolwork and was feeling overwhelmed and a bit frustrated. It was a sunny day, and we were all enjoying the nice weather. Well, everyone except him. He went from doing yard work to writing papers and he didn’t seem very happy about it. He was trying his best to concentrate on his work, but I could tell he was struggling over it. Everyone was relaxing and visiting while he had hours of lectures to listen to.
As I drove to the store I felt thankful for all of his hard work, and wanted to bless him with a small token of thanks. It’s difficult doing full-time work and school, and he does it without complaint. What is challenging for me, is knowing how to best convey my love to him. We tend to need very different things when it comes to communicating love and affection towards each other. We both feel the same strong love for each other, but we show it in opposite ways.
Studying your spouse
Scott loves giving gifts, and he also loves receiving them. I would rather Scott run errands with me than buy me a present. I would choose a long conversation over flowers any day. He loves me to cheer him on, but long talks can just plain wear him out. This can cause hurt feelings if we don’t realize we are just speaking different languages. He doesn’t understand why a new book or item for the house only garnishes a happy smile and a quick hug from me, but when he offers to go to the grocery store with me, I am all starry-eyed and walking on air.
Stepping out of your comfort zone
When I want to show Scott I love him, I get him a gift, even though it’s out of my comfort zone. I arrived at Safeway to grab dinner, but first I went to the magazine aisle and stood there in front of all of the sport magazines. He is a football fanatic, so I chose what seemed to be a good magazine full of stats and reviews. I then grabbed a card and wrote a simple message, thanking him for his hard work he does for our family.
He later told me it made him feel loved that I thought of him. Even though I’m not a huge sports fan, I tried to think of what would make him happy, which meant a lot to him. Sometimes the smallest investment can reap a lot of fruit, so why not do it from time to time?
Think about what makes your husband feel loved, and try to demonstrate that to him once this week. Surprise him a little by being a little extra thoughtful. Enter into his world a little and be a part of what he enjoys. Try to speak his language to him, rather than what comes easiest and most natural to you, and pick a time when he needs some cheering up!
Feel free to comment and let us know how it works out. Share some of your great ideas with us!
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