Battling Insecurity

Two years ago I was about as insecure as they come. I had experienced years of being rejected by my peers, and I was completely lost because of it. I didn’t know how I could be of value to anyone. I had a hard time getting things done at work because I was so sure that everyone thought my ideas were stupid. I found it impossible to make friends, because I was too shy to put myself out there. I couldn’t accept anyone’s compliments because I thought surely they were just saying them out of obligation.

As I went through those trials, sometimes I doubted God’s intentionality in creating me. I wondered how someone created purposefully by God could feel so worthless. And not only did my struggles with self-esteem affect my relationship with God, but they affected my relationship with Kyle. I felt confused and alone, and when he tried to build me up, I found it difficult to take his words to heart.

I thought I was a lost cause, that I’d never be able to pick myself back up again. But God does wonderful things when we trust him with our hearts. I wasn’t ready to force myself to feel secure again, but I started praying for something. For a sense of worthiness, for confidence, for joy in Him.

Finding worthiness in God alone

It’s easy to trust God and believe that he created me intentionally when everyone around me agrees. However, hatred and rejection forced me to anchor my worthiness in Christ.

Kind words and compliments from my Kyle are wonderful, and I’m grateful for such a loving husband, but they aren’t where I should find my self-worth. That’s a gap only God can fill.

I still have moments of doubt, days when I’m sure everyone around me hates me, and moments of utter failure. Sometimes I doubt myself as a wife. I let Kyle down—majorly. But those are the moments in which I need to lean on Christ the most. It’s in moments of weakness that His unending love reminds me that I am worthy, no matter what.

You are worthy, no matter what anyone says or does, no matter how worthy you feel. God created you fearfully and wonderfully, and laid out a plan just for your life.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” —Psalm 139:13-14

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