Learning to Zip My Lips

Being slow to speak is not easy for me

I continually try to work on being wise with my words, but I still fail. I used to think that if someone was shy and meek, that meant they were very mature and godly. I have many friends who display this quiet, calm demeanor. At one time I longed for this because I felt that is what God expected of me. However, when I try to be that kind of woman, I feel like an alien. God  just didn’t make me that way. I am open with others, talkative, and sometimes loud. I find it easy to make friends and enjoy being around people. I tell the grocery clerks my hopes and aspirations, and they tell me theirs. For real.

Still, there is wisdom in holding my tongue

I need to remember that my feelings aren’t always, “truth.” They are just feelings, and feeling often lie to us. Just because a thought comes to mind, I don’t have to say it and then elaborate on it. I don’t know the complexity of each situation, only God does. I am learning that my thoughts and ideas are not equal to fact. And besides, I only have limited information on any situation, so I have to be careful with my strong opinions. Only God has the full picture, so all I can do is trust that He will reveal to me His plan as He sees fit. I see only dark and shady parts, while He knows every detail of my life.

A funny (embarrassing) little story

Last week I got all angry over something before I knew all of the details. My son called me and asked me to go the the grocery store with him to speak to the manager because he had just purchased and ate raw popcorn chicken. He was very upset over this and was afraid he was going to get sick. I happened to be in another store, so he met me there, carrying the platter of chicken. He showed me and all of the other customers what he had eaten. Indeed, it was raw. I couldn’t believe they sold my son RAW chicken.

I marched across the parking lot to speak to the manager. Oddly, our doctor was in line paying. I walked up to him and the clerk, who happened to be the manager and told them what had happened. Our doctor said he would most likely become very sick until his body got rid of it. “How could you sell my son RAW chicken from your deli!?” I hollered. He looked confused. He told me he didn’t sell popcorn chicken in the deli. I explained to him he was clearly wrong because My son and his friend had just bought it twenty minutes ago. My voice was angry and my face even angrier, I am sure. The manager said to me, “Look, that chicken came from the meat department.” Then it hit me. I walked to the back of the store and saw all of the other popcorn chicken in the meat case with the hamburger, pork, and chicken. It was all raw, except for some corn dogs and a few pre-cooked wings. The manager was close on my heels. I felt like such an idiot. The boys bought chicken from the meat cooler and ate it raw.

He walked along side of me, offereing to refund us anyway. I shook my head, kept walking, and tossed the remainder of the raw popcorn chicken into the trash on my way out. I was so sure I knew the facts, but I wasn’t one bit correct. The worst part is my son told me it was the third time they had bought it. Great.

So how does this pertain to my marriage?

I can easily get all worked up before I know the whole truth of a matter. It’s better so slow down and think through things before forming an opinion. I can be the person God made me to be, and also work on being wise with my words. I can be outgoing and discerning, with God’s help. I don’t have to become shy and quiet, I just have to speak carefully. When I bite back harsh words towards my husband, I am always glad I did. When I say things quickly, without reserve, I usually regret it. I don’t know Scott’s motives, reasons or inward thoughts. I might think I have him all figured out, but only God has that privilege.

James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

This encourages me to listen more, and chat less, and keep my emotions in check. Of course, I can’t do this on my own. I need to lean in on God’s strength for this one. I have kept this verse close at hand, and have seen some good progress in my marriage, and in other relationships as well.

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